Secret Admirer
by VisionaryDame
Summary: Kitami Kobayashi, a member of Squad Eleven, had always pushed him around whenever the chance arose. She told him he should have never existed, and laughed at his misery and clumsiness. She berated him and despised everything about him. So how could someone like Hanatarō Yamada, a member of Squad Four, secretly admire her despite everything she stood for? [HanatarōOC; One Shot]


Hanatarō Yamada lied on his bed in total silence, staring up at the ceiling with his hands folded on his stomach. The fresh air from the outside snuck its way in through the open window near his bed, chilling the room ever so slightly, but he did not seem to pay any mind to it as he remained stagnant. His breathing was calm and rhythmic, giving the impression that he was merely trying to get some rest, but the look in his eyes told a different story. His eyes appeared to be wide as if he had been spooked by something, and his mind was racing a mile a minute. His chest ached that night as well, and it bothered him enough to keep him wide awake. Not even to soothing sounds of the crickets and the cool breeze was enough to put him to sleep.

It was the currently the middle of the night - probably eleven o'clock or so - and it was well passed the hour in which he should have been sleeping. Unfortunately, despite every attempt he made to close his eyes and rest, he was unable to do so. It was like his body was fighting against him in every way possible. The aching he felt was not a physical kind of pain as one would assume, but rather a sort of emotional kind of pain. "Pressure" was the word he was looking for, in fact; there was a sort of pressure in his chest despite being relatively healthy. It was just enough to disrupt Hanatarō from his own work numerous times throughout the day. It even made him twice as clumsy as usual, occasionally dropping papers he had to deliver to different Squads and bumping into people because he was not watching where he was going. Although it was common for someone like Hanatarō to act the way he did every day, it had become increasingly worse as time went on. In fact, it had been like that for the past few months or so, but it was not as bad as that day. Today was probably the single most embarrassing day he had ever had, and that was saying something even for him. People were actually worried about his constant and more frequent mishaps - mainly his captain and Lieutenant Isane, but there were a few others that took notice - but there was only one clear and unpredictable explanation that could cause the strange increase in clumsiness on Hanatarō's part. It was not his diet or a change in his mood or anything of the sort as one my expect. Instead, it was only one thing.

That one thing happened to be a girl, a girl by the name of Kitami Kobayashi.

A blush suddenly formed on the Seventh Seat's cheeks before he sat up on his bed at the thought of her name. His heart beat immediately increased, and it was then he realized sleeping was inevitable at that point. Yes, it was her; Kitami Kobayashi was the reason he had been even more clumsy for quite some time. Granted, there was no doubt in his mind that he was already awkward to begin with, but when she came strolling into his life, everything went downhill and then some. One girl caused such a ruckus in his life in the past few months than any other time during his days as a Soul Reaper. The mere thought of her made his knees grow weak. The way her wavy hair danced in the wind, its auburn shade glistened in the sun, and the way her emerald green eyes shimmered regardless of the time of day made his heart skip a beat. In fact, he remembered losing his footing while walking in the span of five seconds just thinking about that. Her beige colored skin looked flawless and soft to the touch, and the thought of just holding her hand made him forget where he was going in the first place. Her face, heart-shaped, framed by her choppy bangs, and dotted with a few freckles across her nose and cheeks, appeared innocent, and her sweet smile made his heart melt...and caused him to run into one too many people throughout the day. If he remembered correctly, she was relatively short, shorter than by just two inches, making her the smallest Soul Reaper he could think of at the time.

Yes, it was Kitami that was the source of Hanatarō's clumsiness, and it was tough - really, really tough - to dislike her for it.

Occasionally, during one of his regular treks to another Squad, Hanatarō would spot her either on a nearby rooftop or be leaning against a railing in any Squad barracks. It was typically in a place where the sun was setting, but there have been days when he saw her in the morning by herself, staring off at nothing and enjoying the silence. On the days when she watched the sunsets, he could not help but notice the rays of light hitting her in just the right manner, making her hair shine, her eyes glitter like rippling waters against a setting sun, and give her an almost angelic appearance. Just the sight of her in such a manner was one that made him stop in his tracks, staring in awe for an undetermined amount of time.

She appeared perfect in every aspect. Unfortunately, there was a rather small problem with the angel that caused his days to be harder than they had to be, and it was something that was unbecoming of a girl like her: Kitami Kobayashi was a member of Squad Eleven and hated every Squad Four member just as much as they did. In other words, she was cold, heartless, sadistic, and enjoyed picking on Hanatarō whenever she possibly could.

On those days that he would watch her from afar, she would catch him and give him the coldest glare he had ever seen. That glare not only sent a shiver down his spine out of fear but out of the fact that she even took a moment to look at him, which was odd since it was evident she did not care for him in the slightest. She would, then, do one of two things: glare at him for a moment longer before sneering and leaving, or outwardly question why he was looking at her in the way he was. Clearly, she was oblivious to the fact that he was admiring her, but then again she was usually at a relatively far distance from him to really notice. On most occasions, he would turn tail and scurried away, hiding his bright red face from her out of embarrassment, but there was one time he actually made an attempt to speak with her. That time actually happened to be today.

"O-oh! U-uh, well, I-I..." He remembered stuttering on his words as he suddenly found the courage to speak, shrinking back under her intimidating gaze as she moved away from the railing. "I-I-I was just passing by, a-and I couldn't help but notice y-you..." It may not have been the best explanation he could think of, but under that harden gaze of hers, he had to think of something coherent that would make sense. "I-I don't mean to stare at you! I'm sorry!"

Instead of a simply saying "Okay," and letting him go, he remembered her glare hardening, sending a chill down his spine.

"It looks like you're trying to be a _creep_ ," she hissed, her grip on the wooden railing tightening every so slightly.

"Gah! It's nothing like that! I swear!" He exclaimed, his arms shaking nervously to the point where the stack of papers he held looked as though they were about to fall over. "I-I wasn't trying to be like that, Kitami! I really wasn't!"

Upon hearing that, he recalled the sudden softening of Kitami's gaze as she continued to look at him. She continued to look at him as such before slowly moving toward him. He felt his heart rate increasing with every graceful step she took, and it was not long before she stood before him. It was the first time they had ever been that close, and it was the first time he realized that she was shorter than him. They both continued to stare at one another, their gazes unbreaking and remained silent. The sun was still setting at that point, and she still had that angelic aura surrounding her. Her hair glistened, her eyes shimmered, and he could not help but swallow the lump in his throat as he forced away the blush that was desperately trying to reach his cheeks. Unfortunately for him, the moment was ruined as he suddenly felt something touch the back of his hands, The sudden contact made him jump and fall backward, dropping all of the papers he was carrying and allowing them to scatter all over the floor. As he sat up, he noticed Kitami had burst into a fit of laughter, holding her stomach and placing her free hand over her eyes.

"Are you _kidding_ me?! That little touch was enough to knock you back?!" She cackled before bending forward and laughing even more.

Hanatarō looked at her, his eyes wide.

"T-that was you?!" He exclaimed, his face now slowly turning red.

" _Duh_!" She retorted as she stood upright, wiping the tears from her face. "God, how did someone as pathetic as you even get a seat in a Squad anyway? I can't even comprehend how you'd fair in a battle against a Hollow!" He shrunk back at her harsh words, and she noticed that. "Oh, come on, don't give me that. Everyone knows Squad Four is the weakest Squad to exist. You guys are useless, and you're just proving a point!"

With that said, she whisked past him, completely neglecting to assist him in picking up the mess of papers that scattered all over the floor. It was a shame, he once thought, to know such a beautiful young girl like her could be so cruel.

Hanatarō sighed before getting out of bed and walking over to his uniform. Since sleeping was out of the question at that point, he decided to take a little walk until he felt tired enough to go back to his room and rest. He did not want to risk falling asleep during work; it was embarrassing enough to deal with today and having a repeat was not on his list of things to do. After putting on his uniform and his scandals, he headed toward the front door and opened it. He chose not to bring his Zanpakutō since he did not really need it at this hour, but he unconsciously decided to bring his medical pack just in case. He was not entirely sure why he wanted to take it with him, as there was no imminent danger that he knew of, but he decided to hold onto it as a precaution. Might as well be safe than sorry, he thought as he shut the door behind him and began his walk around the Soul Society, praying sleep would eventually start to take over and force him to go to sleep.

As he began his walk, his mind once again returned to Kitami. As much as he did not want to think about her at the moment, especially with the way she acted toward him. He wondered how he happened to find a woman as cruel and cold as she and find her to be the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Like the rest of the members of Squad Eleven, she regularly made fun of him and picked on him for being in such a weak Squad, berating and ridiculing him as if he were lesser than her. It was evident she had no sympathy for him or anyone like him, and yet he still found himself fawning over her like a lost puppy. The thought of being attracted to her in any way sounded impossible to any sane person, even to him, and it was quite a shock to him when he finally realized he was slowly but surely falling head over heels for her.

However, much to his dismay, he knew his feelings would forever be unrequited, a thought that left him defeated. Because of the way Kitami treated him, it was clear that any semblance of love that would have been given to him was tossed out the window. On numerous occasions, she outwardly questioned his existence as well as the rest of Squad Four, claiming they were all just "one big waste of space" and "deserved to be wiped out by an army of Hollows" because of how weak she and the other members deemed them to be. She claimed he was the clumsiest person she ever met and would "die faster than any Soul Reaper in existence" before he would ever catch his balance. She questioned why he ever became a Soul Reaper because he never carried his weapon in case of an attack, and when he told her his weapon could only heal, she laughed at him and told him to quit. According to her, there was no use in having a "useless waste" in the Soul Society.

As hurtful as it sounded, he still found himself being drawn to her every day as if her cruel words had no effect on him. No matter how harsh her words were, he always seemed to forgive her. Something about her made her appealing. Beyond the way she appeared and acted, there was something about him that seemed to catch his eye, drawing him in like an insect to a fly trap. The worst part of it was that he had no explanation for it whatsoever.

He stared at his moving feet. It was a shame he had grown feelings for her. For many different reasons. Still, deep down, he had to admit that it was something he did not regret.

Suddenly, the shrilling sound of howling filled the air, stopping Hanatarō dead in his tracks. His eyes widened in horror as an intense spiritual pressure overcame him, preventing him from moving a single muscle. It was the all too familiar and terrifying sound of a Hollow, and judging from the spiritual pressure it gave off it was certainly not as weak as he was anticipating. He was not entirely sure how it was able to enter without anyone sensing it until now, but it was only a matter of time before it began destroying the barracks. Not only that, but he was out in the open without a weapon, so fighting it was out of the question, too. In other words, he was defenseless and doomed.

Then, as if by some miracle, he felt the presence of another spiritual energy appear. While faint, it was clear that the energy was familiar to him. Although it was suppressed to the point where he almost missed it, it was enough for him to know who exactly it was. He gasped in realization: it was Kitami's spiritual energy! No doubt she was just about ready to take on the Hollow single-handedly. As a member of Squad Eleven, there was no doubt in his mind that that was the case for her. Still, that was an incredibly powerful Hollow she was going after. What if something happened to her during the fight and no one was there to help her?

Within moments, Hanatarō began sprinting his way into the direction of the Hollow, completely forgetting about leaving his weapon behind and focusing on assisting Kitami. She needed help whether she needed it or not, and if she were injured, he would be there to help her. She may have hated every fiber of his being, degraded him to being less than human, and every other cruelty that he could not list. At that moment, he did not care about that. He was part of Squad Four, and his duty was to help fellow Reapers should they need it. He did not care if she was part of a Squad that hated him and his squad mates, he was going to help her in any way he could.

After what felt like an hour due to his inability to use Flash Step, which in reality only took him between several minutes to a half hour - he must have been really determined to get there - Hanatarō finally arrived at the destination in which the Hollow had appeared. Much to his surprise, he ran all the way up to the Squad Eleven barracks. He continued to follow the spirit energy in the hope of finding both the Hollow and Kitami before things got out of hand. Before he could ponder the thought any further, a loud explosion sounded behind him, almost as if something had crash-landed into it. Turning on his heel, he saw a crater in the building he just passed. Before he could move in to examine what had happened, a black figure appeared from the smoke and dust. He could not recognize who it was at first, but soon the smoke began to clear. His eyes widened as he stared at the familiar figure of Kitami, her eyes filled with anger and annoyance.

"Kitami!" He exclaimed, grabbing her attention immediately.

She looked over at him while gripping her Zanpakutō tightly in her hands. At that moment, Hanatarō saw the injuries she had sustained. Blood dripped from her forehead and stained her cheeks, possibly from the crash landing moments ago. A few bruises and scratch marks marred her face. Her clothes were slightly tattered and ripped, especially on her weapon-wielding arm. Blood, also, appeared on the hand holding her weapon, dripping to the ground like a faucet that was not turned off completely.

A glare immediately formed in her eyes as she looked at him

" _What_ do you think you're doing here?!" She snapped angrily. "You're supposed to be in your barracks right now, not wandering the damn Seireitei! Why the Hell are you here?!"

Although half surprised by her outburst, he tried to remain as calm as possible, but ultimately failed.

"W-well, I-I-I couldn't sleep, s-so I decided to go for a walk, a-and…and…" He trailed off, feeling embarrassed to go any further.

She groaned, annoyance gripping her voice.

"You're only going to get in the way," she stated harshly, turning her attention to the lizard-like Hollow, Adjuchas class no doubt, "and if you do that, I won't hesitate to kill you either."

It roared again just before Kitami leaped toward it, her blade ready in hand. Hanatarō could only watch as the creature attempted to grab her, only for her to dodge and slice off the arm in one fluid motion. It cried out in pain before growling and charging at her once again. Although at a distance, Hanatarō could spot the smirk appearing on Kitami's face as she leaped over it, readying her sword to finish it off. However, it suddenly disappeared from sight, surprising Kitami for a split moment as she quickly glanced at her surroundings. Before she could react, the lizard-like creature appeared behind her and sank its teeth into her shoulder. She yelped in pain and surprise over the attack, before growling and hitting the monster in the head with the end of her hilt. It may have been a minor yet swift tap, but it was enough to crack its mask. Upon realizing what had happened, the creature suddenly released her, giving her the opportunity to counterattack. With one last motion, she turned around and sliced the creature right down the middle, watching as it dissolved into nothing. She smirked at her victory as she sheathed her blade.

"That should teach you," she hissed disgustedly, "not to mess with me, you ugly freak." Sighing seemingly with relief, she slowly turned around, once again spotting the Seventh Seat, whose face was consumed with worry over her well-being. She rolled her eyes as she landed onto the ground with grace. "Wipe that look off your face." She called to him, making him jump. "It's no big deal. I'll...I'll be...okay..." Unfortunately, due to the injury she sustained from the Hollow, she immediately became lightheaded and fell to her knees, gripping her injured shoulder. Within seconds, Hanatarō was already making his way over to her side.

"Kitami!" He shouted as she attempted to return to her feet. As he approached, he nearly came face to face with her Zanpakutō that stood in the way of him and its wielder.

"Don't even think about coming near me," she hissed, sending a glare in his direction. "I don't need your help."

"But you're injured," he pleaded, keeping his place to keep himself alive. "I can't leave you here with injuries like that."

"I don't care! Go back to your barracks now!" She commanded. "I don't need help from a weak little Squad Four Soul Reaper who can't even fend for himself!" There she went again. "You're nothing but a nuisance to the Soul Society and should have never been created in the first place!"

Hanatarō, suddenly, felt a burst of confidence as he straightened where he stood.

"But we're the reason most of the Squad Eleven members are still alive, including Captain Zaraki," he explained calmly. "Without us, none of you would be here. Instead, you'd all be…" He trailed off before looking at the ground. He sensed Kitami looking him over intently but kept her weapon up.

"We'd all be dead?" She finished for him. He shrank back at the thought, which made her scoff. "Oh, please, I would much rather be killed in action as a real Soul Reaper than to live with the guilt of being injured by something like that." They stared each other down for a long moment before she looked away. "I told you I don't need help. I'll be okay. Why don't you go back to your Squad and forget this night ever happened? People will be here soon to assess what happened, and your presence is not-"

"No," he interrupted her, his fists clenching tightly.

She shot him a look that was clearly not fond of the response she was given. Despite that, Hanatarō stood his ground.

" _Excuse me_?" She questioned slowly. "Are you defying the orders of a higher ranked Soul Reaper, especially one that can kill you on the spot if she so chooses?"

He looked back at her, determination filling in his eyes.

"Yes, yes I am!" He spoke, making her stare at him with shock filling her eyes. "You may not like me or anyone else in Squad Four. You may treat us like we're lesser than you in every way, but that doesn't mean you're right! We're the ones keeping you and everyone else here alive, and not leaving you out there to die!" She rolled her eyes. "You may think that's honorable in your Squad, but it's not for me or anyone else!"

"You have some nerve talking to me like that," she growled as she slowly stood up. "Why the sudden burst of confidence? You're not proving anything by standing up to me."

"I'm telling you this because...because..." He looked at the ground as he tried to find the right words. "Because I...I care about you too much to see you get hurt. I don't care if you despise everything about me. As long as you're okay, I'll be happy."

She stared at him for a long moment, eyes widening in surprise, as her Zanpakutō slowly lowered just a bit.

"You…you care about me…?" She asked in a small voice. He did not seem to register her words - or even the fact that legitimately sounded surprised by what he said - before he nodded in response. Instantly, she scoffed and looked away. "How could you possibly care about someone who's belittled you for the lowlife that you are? I'd _love_ to hear an explanation."

Hanatarō swallowed the lump in his throat, collecting himself and his thoughts before he spoke.

"To be honest, I...I don't know," he responded. She looked back at him as he went on. "Despite the way you've treated me all this time, I can't find a good enough explanation as to why I care about you so much. You're cruel, heartless, and treat me like dirt just like the other members of your Squad. You push me around and laugh at me when I make a clumsy mistake. Yet, time and time again, I still find myself coming back." Kitami remained silent, her weapon now at her side. She was listening. "I keep seeing you and, despite everything, I still someone that I...I..."

"You what...?" She slowly questioned as he looked away for a moment, trying and failing to hide the blush on his face. She sounded genuinely curious to know the answer.

Without thinking, Hanatarō inhaled and looked back at her as he slowly said, "I still...see someone that I've...hopelessly fallen for..."

Kitami's jaw dropped upon hearing that.

" _W-what_...?"

"It's true!" He proclaimed, gaining some sense of confidence. "As crazy as it sounds, I can't help but admit it! No matter how badly you treat me or how harshly you speak to me, I still find myself admiring you from a distance. I couldn't even go to sleep because you were on my mind the whole time." He looked down. "I don't know how long I've felt this way, and I know I sound stupid for falling for someone like you, but..." His hands clenched. "Every time I see you, I can't help but fall for you even more than before..."

Silence enveloped the two as Hanatarō stared at his feet, his face now bright red, while Kitami looked at him. After another moment of thinking, he realized what had just happened and what he just said, slapping his hands over his mouth. In that instant, that split moment, he poured his heart out to the girl he had been secretly admiring. Now there he was, standing in front of Kitami after everything he just said and waiting for some sort of response. Upon that thought, he slowly looked at her, noticing the fact that she was currently looking at her own feet, her hair shielding her face from view. He wondered what was going through her mind at that point, all the thoughts and questions that must have been pouring in. Would she laugh at him for confessing to her? Would she just flat out reject him without a reason? Would she just forget what he told her and move on with life as if he did not say anything to her? His gaze faltered as his hands slowly folded in front of him, expecting the worst to come from her just like every other time. However, for the first time, the worst did not happen...or so it seemed.

"Hanatarō..." The familiar voice of Kitami spoke. He looked up to find that she was staring him down once again, her weapon still held in her hand. She was now facing him at that point, and the moment he set his eyes on her, she began to approach him.

A look of terror formed on his face as he stammered, "K-Kitami? What are you doing?" She did not respond as she continued to walk toward him. The fact that she was still carrying her weapon made him feel uneasy. "Kitami, you're scaring me. W-what are you-"

He was cut off by Kitami stabbing the blade into the ground right next to him, inches away from his feet, as she stopped in front of him. He tensed at the sudden action, but before he had the chance to speak, she took hold of his uniform with one hand, keeping the uninjured arm at her side.

"Shut up." She simply stated as she pulled him closer.

Before he had the chance to register what was happening, her lips crashed against his as she pulled him in for a kiss, something that had come entirely out of left field and nearly knocked him off his feet in one swipe. His eyes were wide with shock as he just stood there stiff as a board, afraid to make any sudden movements out of fear of ruining such a tender moment. Kitami Kobayashi, the girl he had been secretly admiring, the same girl who despised him and the entirety of his Squad, was kissing him. She was kissing him out of any other suitor that may have existed.

Despite the rather sudden decision to do this, he could not help but feel like it was right. Everything in his body was telling him that this was okay. In fact, it was leaping with joy, ecstatic over the fact that this was actually happening. Even though he never had any thoughts of doing so, mostly because she would have quickly finished him off had she caught wind of it, being in the moment now felt right. It was as though the world was finally being set in place as if the balance was finally being set in his world. Unfortunately, despite being in the right state, he was terrified of making any movements. He wanted to pull her closer and enjoy the kiss, but he was too scared to move a muscle. Was that something she wanted or was it better to just play it safe? To his surprise, she seemed to answer his question as she pulled away, taking a step back but keeping her grip on his uniform.

The silence was dangerously close to setting as she slowly looked at him in an almost cold manner. For the first time, Hanatarō could not help but notice the lightest shade of pink forming on her cheeks.

"U-umm..." She slowly started, her gaze shifting to something else. "That's...I don't...Uh..." He was shocked by the fact that she could formulate a coherent sentence. After a moment, she looked back at him. "D-don't...go telling anyone...about...what I just did..."

"U-uh..." Hanatarō mumbled, but could not find the words to speak himself.

"You're...the first person who's ever had the guts to do that," she explained. "Every other one before you either chickened out or didn't even bother trying. And trust me when I say it's not many." Hearing her say that made his heart leap for joy, and he could not help but smile. Seeing her in such a way was really cute. Kitami noticed the smile and glared at him, her blush turning darker. "T-that doesn't make you any better than anyone! Y-you're still weaker than us in every way! I just..." She looked away. "I just...have a bit more respect...for you."

Hanatarō continued to look at her before his smile grew.

"That's the nicest thing you've said to me, Kitami," he said.

Kitami blinked before she released him and turned away. Obviously, it was to hide the darkening shade of red on her face.

"D-d-don't get used to it!" She snapped. "You may be my secret admirer, but you're still Squad Four..."

"That's fine with me," Hanatarō shrugged. Then, a lifted a hand in her direction. "Now why don't we get you all cleaned up before people show up? You took quite a beating out there."

"Hmph!" She scoffed. After a moment, she slowly turned her head to look at his hand, then at him, and then at his hand again. When a beat passed, she sighed in defeat and, with her uninjured arm, took hold of his hand. "Fine. I guess I can get patched up." Then, she gave him a hard look. "But next time, I'll heal on my own!"

"Whatever you say, Kitami," he replied as she carefully picked up her sword with her injured arm and sheathed it. "Now let's get you back to the Squad Four barracks."

"Wait..." She slowly spoke. He looked at her curiously as she asked. "Something tells me you don't know how to Flash Step..." It was not a question, but rather a statement.

Hanatarō sheepishly chuckled and scratched the back of his head.

"You wouldn't be the first person to make that assumption," he told her.

She stared at him with a blank stare, before sighing and shrugging.

"It's fine," she told him right before a small, genuine smile formed on her lips. "You're lucky you're starting to grow on me."


End file.
